God Help Me, Part 4
by Mertz
Summary: Another round of drunken behavior by the Voltron crew.


Hello...I needed a break from Origins and decided to swing back and have some fun with the Voltron crew. Hope you have a good sense of humor if you read this...you will need it. This follows the other God Help Me stories. Warning, there are a few swear words in this...but I didn't think it bad enough to warrant an M rating.

Enjoy.

Mertz

I make no claims to Voltron or any WEP characters.

God Help Me: Part 4

Standing in his bedroom dressed in his bathrobe, Keith smiles at himself in the mirror as he brushes back his hair. He had it cut much shorter only a few days earlier, but it still had a tendency to stick up in places and today it needed to be perfect. Satisfied that his normally messy hair looks proper for once, he starts for his closet when he hears a knock at the door. "Come in."

Sven walks into the room and pauses to smile at his friend, "Are you ready for this?"

"Not quite yet," returns Keith then smirks at the confused look on Sven's face as he explains, "I need to get dressed."

Shaking his head humorously at the commander, Sven glances toward the door when someone else knocks at it. Opening it, he steps back as Nanny briskly walks into the room carrying a pair of shoes and a suit. She hangs the suit up on a waiting hook beside the closet, sets the shoes on the floor near it then turns back to face Keith with an aggravated sniff, "Your suit is pressed and ready. Your shoes have been properly shined. The princess wishes me to convey that she hopes you had a pleasant morning and will be ready for the service…_on time._"

Not waiting for his answer, Nanny turns around and leaves the room. Keith laughs softly as the door closes behind her then looks over to find an equally amused expression on Sven's face as he asks, "She still hasn't forgiven you for asking Allura to marry you, has she?"

"No and I don't think she ever will either," he answers, still laughing. Moving over to the suit, Keith takes it off the hook, picks up the shoes, glances at the bottom of them then opens his closet door. He places the suit on the rod, sets the shoes down on the floor then pulls out a different suit and shoes.

As he carries them over to the bed, Sven asks in a confused tone, "What's wrong with the suit she brought?"

"Lance had access to it." Keith removes the robe and throws it on the bed as he picks up the pants. He glances back at his friend to find a perplexed expression still on his face. Gesturing to the closet, he says, "Go look at it. I'm willing to bet you will find the seams have been loosened in strategic places. The bottom of the shoes also has interesting expressions on the bottom of them."

Moving over to the closet, Sven opens the door and picks up the shoes to look at them. On the bottom of one, painted in white, is the word, 'Help!', on the other, 'Save Me!'. Shaking his head at them, he sets them back down and pulls out the suit. Sure enough, the seams on the back of the pants have been loosened, so that when Keith would have to bow during the ceremony, his underwear would have shown. Grimacing, Sven mutters, "What an ass…" as he puts the suit back into the closet.

"Yeah, I know. Why do you think I had a second suit made that Lance knew nothing about? I was ready for him," explains Keith as he continues to dress.

Rolling his eyes, Sven turns back to his friend, "Well, since you obviously have everything under control, I'll leave you to finish getting ready."

"I'll see you down in the vestibule in fifteen minutes," Keith says then stalls his friend, "Thanks for coming for this. I know it wasn't easy to leave Pollux under the circumstances."

"Doom will always be a worry, but how often does my best friend get married?" answers Sven with a smile on his face. He salutes the commander then leaves the room.

Feeling the happiest he ever has, Keith turns back to the bed and sits down on it to pull on his boots. In forty short minutes, he would be marrying the love of his life. It felt like everything he has done in his life was only to reach this one day. Remembering what it took for them to admit they had feelings for each other, Keith smiles to himself and swears, nothing but water and milk for today, for both of them.

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Sitting in a pew during the ceremony, Lance feels a mixture of disappointment and irritation when Keith bows to Allura and no peek of Keith's tighty whities show like it was supposed to. A few minutes later when the couple kneels before the bishop, Hunk leans over to him to ask, "What happened to the shoes?"

"Obviously, he checked them," grouches the lieutenant.

He barely hears Pidge murmur, "Should have known that Keith would check everything…"

"Anal bastard, pain in the ass…"

"Lance! You're in church!" exclaims Pidge, completely shocked.

Only the look from Coran, as the older man turns in his chair to glare at them, stops Lance from responding. Instead, he crosses his arms and legs and settles back in his chair, completely bored with the rest of the ceremony since Keith had taken all the fun out of it for them. His mind whirls as he tries to think of another way to have fun with the bride and groom. Suddenly an evil smile crosses his face and his eyes twinkle with merriment at the idea that has taken hold.

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Standing in the receiving line, Keith's eyes move over the table where his teammates are sitting, ensuring Lance is still within eye sight. _'Good…maybe he has decided to behave himself.'_ He nods to the next visitors in front of him before his eyes move back over the ballroom once more. A soft hand on his arm brings his attention back to his wife. Allura smiles at him as she whispers, "Relax, everything is fine. You said Sven is keeping an eye on everything."

"Yes, but he is also involved with the political rounds and can't keep an eye on Lance all the time." Keith glances around again, his eyes on Lance as he gets up and moves over to the punch bowls. Stiffening slightly, he watches the lieutenant accept a cup from the attending servant. They seem to speak for a minute then Lance moves back to his seat.

"He can't do anything to the punch," states Allura as she takes Keith's hand within hers. "Besides the ladies watching the bowls, Nanny is replacing them every half hour." She smiles lovingly at him, "Everything is taken care of…relax and enjoy this time with me."

Forcing himself to calm down, the new king of Arus nods to his wife then lifts up her hand to kiss the back of it. Allura feels the happiness building within her until it could almost burst out of her chest. The day she had dreamed of for so long has become reality and everything is perfect. A soft blush brightens her cheeks as her mind goes to the upcoming wedding night. She glances back at her husband to find a different expression in his eyes. It tells her that he had seen the blush on her cheeks…knew what she was thinking and of the many delights planned that night.

Allura is forced to look away when she hears her governess clearing her throat. Turning to look at her, she finds the older woman holding up a tray with chocolates on them as she says, "I made them especially for you today. What kind of wedding celebration would it be if you didn't have Ambrosia Chocolates?"

As she starts to reach for one, Keith's hand lands on top of hers to stop her as he inquires, "What are in those, Nanny?"

She glares at Keith as she responds, "They are an Arusian wedding tradition! The recipe is a secret only known by a chosen few."

"I won't allow Allura to eat them if I don't know what is in them," retorts the king as he glares at the older woman.

Noticing her governess was about to explode, Allura intervenes, "They are chocolate balls, nothing more." As he turns to look at her, she explains further, "A creamy chocolate, that is almost liquid, is on the inside with a harder chocolate coating covering it. They are only made for couples on their wedding day as a good luck charm. I've never had them, but I've heard about how delicious they are."

Keith releases his wife's hand as she stares hopefully up at him. He can barely resist the urge to smile at the child-like look of eagerness on her face. Allura's one weakness has always been chocolate. It did not matter if it was chocolate cake, brownies, cookies or fudge, if it had chocolate in it, Allura would eat it. Looking back at Nanny, he casually asks, "Who has had access to them?"

"NO ONE! THEY ARE ONLY FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM!" she yells at him. Disgusted, she starts to turn away with the tray in hand, mumbling, "You try to do something nice for someone…"

"Nanny! Stop!" Allura turns back to Keith, almost frantic, "They are only chocolates! Please! I've only ever heard about them my entire life. This is the one chance I will ever have to try them!"

Arching an eyebrow at her, Keith tries to reason with her, "Why can't Nanny make them for you some other time?"

"Idiot!"

He looks wide-eyed at the governess as she turns angrily on him to explode, "Only on one's wedding day can you have these chocolates and then never again! It is bad luck!"

"Keith! Please!"

Holding up his hands to ward off the pair, he finally surrenders, "Fine! Have them!"

He cannot stop that laugh that escapes him as Allura snatches the tray from Nanny before she can try to take them away again. She sets it on the table next to them then picks up two of the chocolates. She holds one out to him even as she shoves the other one in her mouth then closes her eyes. Her expression turns dreamy as Allura slowly enjoys the chocolate melting in her mouth. When she opens her eyes, she glances at the chocolate still in her hand then back at her husband. She raises it up to him once more.

Smiling broadly, Keith leans forward and lets Allura push the chocolate into his mouth. As the chocolate hits his tongue, he has all he can do not to copy the dreamy expression his wife had only moments earlier. It was unlike anything he has ever had before. The outer coating simply melts away to reveal the creamy center, whose flavor hits the tongue and leaves you begging for more. Looking back at his wife, Keith finds her smiling at him then looking back greedily at the still awaiting chocolates.

"Ambrosia chocolates huh?" says Keith as neutrally as possible while trying not to lick his lips in search for any lasting flavor.

Allura nods then finally looks at her husband closely. She starts laughing as she says, "You want another one as bad as I do!"

Pulling his wife into his arms, Keith admits, "There should be a law against those."

Laughing up at him, she replies, "While there is no law…Nanny isn't kidding about it being bad luck to have them past one's wedding day."

"Yeah, you'll end up fat!" retorts Keith humorously, "Because God only knows you can't eat just one!"

Moving away from him, Allura picks up two more chocolates and holds one out to Keith, her hand wiggling slightly in invitation. Giving her an evil look, he snatches it from her and quickly places it in his mouth at the same time she eats hers.

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From his seat at his assigned table, Lance glances sideways to find the bride and groom greeting their guests, the line slowly dwindling. He turns his attention in that direction more firmly as Nanny approaches them with a tray. Quiet laughter escapes him as Allura fairly knocks the governess over as she takes the tray away from her. He continues to watch as they each eat one chocolate then smiles satisfied when they each eat another one.

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Sitting at the head table during the dinner, Sven watches his friends closely, and grows more alarmed all the time. Maybe it is simply the excitement of the wedding and the guests, but Keith and Allura had been laughing over the silliest things. Keith had put his hand down just right on the table as he sat down to send his fork flying to the floor. Allura had erupted in laughter then leaned into her husband while still giggling. Sven's eyes move over the tray of chocolates sitting in front of the couple. Every little while, they kept taking more of them, feeding them to each other. Leaning over to Romelle, he asks, "What's with the chocolates?"

She glances at the tray to find over three quarters of them gone then replies, "It's an Arusian tradition is my understanding. They are only made for couples on their wedding day, then never again."

"I don't get it," says Sven as he shakes his head, "What's in them that makes them so special?"

"Just chocolate," Romelle answers with a slight shrug.

Sven looks over at the couple as they continue to laugh at whatever has amused them since the last time he looked at them. Arching an eyebrow, he asks, "Are you sure they're only chocolate?"

"That's what Nanny said," she replies then looks down at the couple. She notices the vague expression in her cousin's eyes then glances at their plates to find that neither one has eaten much of their dinner. Looking back at the chocolate tray, she finds it almost empty.

Before she can say anything, Coran approaches the table, "Majesties, are you are ready to begin the dance?"

Keith stands up abruptly, knocking his chair backward and gives him a sharp salute, which leaves Allura giggling madly in her seat. The advisor stares at him, completely shocked then manages to find his calm to gesture to the floor, "If you will move to the center, the dance will begin."

Clamping a hand over her open mouth, Romelle watches in horror as Keith helps Allura to rise unsteadily to her feet. She tries to take a step forward only to almost fall forward. Romelle grabs at her cousin to steady her then looks back to find that Keith had unwittingly stepped onto the middle of her train. The king giggles as he mutters, "Oops," moves his foot then both walk unevenly out to the dance floor. She looks over at Sven, who leans over to take one of the chocolates. He breaks it in half then smells it, an angry look moving over his face. Using his pinky finger, he dips into the interior then lifts it up to his mouth. His eyebrows go up as he swears softly, "That son of a bitch…"

"What?" asks Romelle almost frantically.

Looking at his wife, Sven informs her, "I don't know how he did it, but I'm guessing Lance spiked these with a powerful German drink from Earth called 'Unsichtbar', it means invisible. You can't taste it when it's mixed in with something like chocolate. I could kind of smell it though."

"I'm going to kill him," growls the Polluxian princess as she looks over at the table containing Lance, Hunk and Pidge. All three are laughing uproariously as they point at the dance floor. Turning her attention there, she lets out a groan.

Keith and Allura are cackling madly as they try to dance. Twirling her out, Keith pulls Allura back to him only to miss her and she trips over his foot, almost falling to the floor before he grabs her around the middle. She turns back to him as she clings to his neck while trying to stand upright, but keeps falling. Once she gains her footing, Keith pushes her out away from him then pulls her back only for Allura to hit against his chest, hard, and both of them fall to onto the floor, laughing.

Grabbing Sven's hand, Romelle quickly rises, "We need to get them out of here."

Rushing quickly to the dance floor, they help the couple stand then Sven whispers to Keith, "I think it's time for you to say goodnight, my friend."

"Why?" asks Keith with a drunken smile, "Allura's dancing with me!"

"More like falling…" retorts Sven as he turns to find Romelle directing her cousin toward her husband as she tells her, "I think it's time for bed."

"Bed!" Allura jumps at Keith, who barely manages to catch her without falling backward again, "That means we get to have sex!"

Trying hard not to roll his eyes at the pair, Sven clears his throat loudly as they start French kissing, trying to get their attention. He finally taps them both on the shoulders, "You need to go to your room to start that!"

Keith breaks the kiss, grabs Allura's hand and pulls her toward the ballroom doors. She starts to fall, only for Sven to pick her up from behind as he yells at his friend, "Easy Keith!"

The new king stops, glances back to find Allura giggling as Sven pushes her to her feet then stops. Swinging his wife up into his arms, Keith runs for the doors. Sven shares a concerned look with Romelle then both follow them. Gasping when Keith starts to stumble forward, Romelle watches Sven rush forward to help them only for Keith to regain his footing and start running once more.

It is almost a relief when they finally reach Allura's bedroom. As Keith struggles to reach the button to open the door as Allura rains kisses on his face, Sven reaches them and pushes the button for him. He closes it behind them then looks at his wife with relief. Romelle gives the door a concerned glance then asks, "Do you think they will be all right?"

"As long as they stay in there…I'm sure they will be fine. What more can they do, besides pass out?" answers Sven as he pulls his wife into his side and starts walking back down the hall with her. "Let's get back to the ballroom. I want to get my hands on Lance…"

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Inside the bedroom, Keith reaches the bed and throws Allura on it then jumps on top of her. Both are laughing drunkenly until Allura grabs his face and starts sloppily kissing him. He tries to return the kiss, their tongues missing each other's mouths and licking the area around the mouth instead. Settling between her legs, Keith starts moving, rubbing his groin against hers.

She stops kissing him to slap at his shoulders, "Keith…can't have sex dressed!"

Sitting up, Keith smiles down at her then climbs off the bed and takes off his jacket. He throws it behind him then yanks on the tie at his throat. Rising from the bed, Allura jumps off at him causing them both to land on the floor with a laugh. She straddles her husband and spends the next few minutes trying to undo the buttons on his shirt. Managing to part two in the middle, Allura bends over while pulling the sides of the shirt apart to place a kiss in the middle of his chest. Sitting up, she smiles down at him then bends over again. This time she makes a raspberry sound against his chest then falls against him entirely as she starts laughing.

Pushing her off him, Keith rises then pulls her up to her feet. He forces her to turn away around then tries to undo the top buttons on her dress. Irritated with it, he finally rips the material apart then unzips the dress. His mouth finds the top of her shoulder, sucking on it as Keith pushes the material off her arms, letting it pool at her feet.

Feeling his mouth against her skin, Allura turns around, tripping on her skirt. She falls against her husband, causing both of them to start laughing until Keith starts kissing her again. He picks her up, throws her on the bed then goes back to work on his own clothing. Allura sits up and starts laughing as Keith tries to undo his trousers then starts jumping up and down while trying to remove them.

He finally works them down his legs then attempts to yank them over his shoes. Losing his balance, he falls onto the floor, leaving his wife laughing uproariously in the bed. Scrambling to her knees as she continues to laugh, Allura calls out to him, "Keith…you ok?"

"Yeah…" he mumbles as he reaches down to his feet and tries to find his shoes inside his pant legs. His face is almost comical with the confusion on his expression as he continues to search for his shoes. A moment later, he finally grabs at the shoe still lost within his pants leg and pulls it off. He makes quick work of the other one then stands up and poses for his wife in his underwear.

She wolf whistles at him then tries to pull her slip up over her head. It catches on her chin, her face plastered against the satin material as she struggles to get it off. She finally manages to pull it off, leaving her only in a revealing, white lace corset with matching underwear and garters. Laying back on the mattress, she arranges herself along the pillows. Trying to give her husband a 'come-hither' look, Allura motions him to come to her by crooking a finger at him. Keith winks at her then takes a step forward only to slip on her wedding dress and start to fall again. He catches himself by grabbing the mattress as she laughs.

Finally righting himself, Keith runs a hand through his hair as if to straighten it then climbs up onto the mattress. Crawling over Allura, he drops his weight on top of her then proceeds to sloppily kiss her. He feels her hand move down his back then reaches his butt. She pulls on his underwear, wedging it up his butt as she pulls away to complain, "You aren't naked!"

"Neither are you!" he accuses back as he yanks the underwear back into place. Suddenly a smile crosses his face as he leans down to whisper, "I'll make you naked…"

He kisses his way down her chest then sits up between her legs. Pulling one leg up so that it rests on his shoulder, Keith runs his fingers along her leg until he reaches the clasps for her nylons. He unfastens the clasps, his fingers teasing the sensitive skin along her inner thigh as he works to pull on the edge of the nylon down her leg. He ignores her giggling as she tries to pull her leg away from him while muttering, "Tickles…tickles…"

Gripping onto her leg to hold it firmly in place, Keith finishes removing her sock then throws it behind him onto the floor. He smiles down at his wife then starts placing kisses along her ankle while running his fingers along her leg once more. He listens to Allura laughing as she calls out, "Tickles!" to him once more as he moves along her foot, finally reaching her toes.

Giggling until she can no longer breathe, Allura screams when Keith pulls her big toe into his mouth and starts sucking on it while his fingers move over the heel of her foot. Trying to pull her foot away, she laughs while crying out, "NO! TICKLES! STOP!"

Ignoring her, Keith keeps sucking on her toe, his hand moving to grip onto her calf as she tries to pull her leg away from him. Next, he runs his tongue down along the sensitive center as she cries out, "NO!" while finally breaking free of his grip and kicks out at him. Knocked backward from the blow to the face, Keith falls backward off the bed, and lands on the floor with a thump. He looks up, belches loudly then lies back down on the floor, passing out.

Still giggling, Allura curls up on the bed to prevent more tickling then drunkenly calls out, "Keith?" when nothing happens after a few moments. She repeats his name twice more then slowly moves to a sitting position as she adds, "Where you go?"

Humming to herself, she pulls on the blankets and crawls under them while calling out in a sing-song voice, "Keith? I searching for you!" Crawling out at the end of the bed, she mumbles something incoherently as she tries to push her hair back off her face. Holding onto the canopy pole, Allura stands up unsteadily from the bed while still calling out, "Keith? You hiding?" and starts to walk forward.

Turning to look back at the bed, Allura eyes it carefully as she continues to search for her husband. Taking a step backward, she trips over Keith's prone figure and falls on her butt. She rubs at the sore spot on her derriere as she whines "Owie! Butt hurts now!"

Suddenly Allura notices Keith, "There you are!" She hits him on the chest, "You made my butt hurt!"

He answers her with a long drawn out snore followed by a loud, barking sound coming from his posterior. Allura starts giggling drunkenly again as she hits him in the chest once more, "You farted!" When he does not answer her, she taps his forehead repeatedly, "Keith…supposed to have sex."

When he continues to sleep, Allura sighs disappointedly then starts to stand. Taking a step forward, she trips on his arm then falls forward, landing knees first onto his chest. Only a grunt from her husband alerts her to the fact that he felt anything as she mumbles, "Sorry…" then stands once more. She looks at the bed then back down at her spouse. Shrugging to herself, Allura grabs a blanket off the bed and pulls it on top of her as she lies back down beside Keith and curls into him before passing out.

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Groaning loudly as he wakes up the next morning, Keith puts a hand to his pounding head, trying to stymie the pain. Without opening his eyes, he attempts to assess where he is, but is unable to do so. He can feel a heavy weight lying across his chest, which suddenly hurts like hell. Grimacing with the pain, he grabs at the weight intending to move it away only to find a handful of his wife's hair. Trying to turn onto his side, Keith whispers, "Allura, you need to move…"

She jumps as she awakens, her knee moving upward quickly and coming into contact with his manhood. As he sucks in a deep breath at the searing pain, Keith pushes his wife off as she sits up quickly, "What!"

He barely hears her moan, "My head..." a moment later as he struggles to get his own pain under control. Trying to open his eyes, he reaches up to his face when he finds he can only see out of one of them. Looking back at Allura, he asks, "What the hell happened?"

Allura glances back down at him then her bloodshot eyes go wide with horror, "Keith!" then slaps a hand over her open mouth. Her shaking hands move over his battered face a moment later, "What happened to you?"

Wondering what she is talking about, Keith pulls away to stand up and groans with the effort. His hands move over his ribs, wondering if he somehow broke some of them as he glances down at the floor where they had been sleeping then moves over Allura's vanity. He looks in the mirror in shock, his right eye is swollen completely shut and purple in color. Glancing down, he finds the purple marks on his ribs, _'That explains the pain.'_

Turning back to his wife, he finds her dressed only in a corset, her underwear and with one sock missing from the garter set. Her hair, which had been perfectly upswept for the wedding, lies about her shoulders in a disheveled mess. The image would be comical to some, but was absolutely beautiful to him. It fails to arouse him though, the pain in his body making that impossible. She finally glances down at herself, lets out a little embarrassed noise then rushes for her robe. With her back to him, he notices a rather large bruise showing along one buttock. _'What the hell happened last night?'_ he asks himself once more.

Glancing down to find himself only wearing underwear, he tries desperately to remember what happened the evening before as he walks over to the closet to find his own bathrobe. Keith grimaces in pain as he pulls it around his shoulders then tightens the belt. Looking back at Allura to find her now similarly covered, he asks, "Do you remember what happened last night?"

"The wedding, the receiving line and Nanny bringing us the Ambrosia chocolates…then nothing," she replies, still looking very upset.

"The chocolates…" repeats Keith as he rubs at the whiskers on his cheeks.

Allura walks up to him as Keith glances away while searching his memory. The last thing he can remember is eating those chocolates with Allura as well. He looks up as she reaches up to touch his cheek, concern in her eyes as she says, "I think we should go see Dr. Gorma."

"Yes, then I'm going to go see my good friend Lance," he replies as he directs them to the door.

"Lance? Why?"

"Because I don't know how, but that son of a bitch somehow spiked those chocolates with alcohol. This time, he will fucking pay for his bullshit," Keith angrily spits out as they walk out of the room and down the hallway together. "And when I get my hands on him…God fucking help him!"


End file.
